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- Sex games for couples can help you understand more about your partner's desires.
- For example, a game of sexual 20 questions could get you to try things you normally wouldn't
- Doing an erotic treasure hunt around your house can change up the location of sex for more fun.
- Visit Insider's Health Reference library for more advice.
Getting creative in the bedroom can help add excitement to your sex life, whether you're looking to reconnect or you simply want to try something different. Sex games are a great way to make sex playful and help you understand more about your partner's desires.
From an R-rated version of 20 questions to the sexy power dynamics of "Ruler for the night," these five easy-to-play sex games come highly recommended by sex therapists. Here's how to play them and how they can help improve your sex life.
1. Lucky draw
How to play: Follow these steps from sexologist Jennifer Litner, LMFT, CST, founder of Chicago-based wellness center, Embrace Sexual Wellness.
- Each partner writes down five to 10 sexy questions, conversation starters, or desires for their partner on separate small pieces of paper (For example, "Would you be interested in using a vibrator during sex?")
- Fold up all the pieces of paper and place them in a bowl.
- Both partners draw a piece of paper out of the bowl.
- Both partners take turns either answering the question or participating in the desired activity.
The benefits: Litner says this encourages novelty and creativity, which are both great for boosting desire. It's also the perfect way to bring up questions or fantasies you were too shy to bring up otherwise.
2. 20 Questions, sex edition
How to play: This is a spin on the G-rated 20 questions game, and it's pretty straightforward. Litner says one partner can think of something sexy they want to do with their partner, and then the other partner has 20 questions to try to figure out what it is.
The benefits: "This can help partners get to know one another better, as well as be a fun way to communicate sexual interests with a bit of mystery," says Litner.
3. Ruler for the night
How to play: This game is all about power dynamics and communication. "Just one person is going to be in charge at a time, and they're going to get to do exactly what they want to do," says Vanessa Marin, a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in couples and sex therapy.
Before you get started, set your personal boundaries and share them with each other. Once that's out of the way, decide who will be the ruler.
The other partner has to cater to every desire of the ruler (aside from the boundaries discussed). This partner can't do anything unless the ruler explicitly tells them what to do. The ruler must give instructions for the activity they want, including going into detail about how they want the activity performed. You can switch roles another night, or take turns being ruler in the same night.
The benefits: "This playful exercise is fantastic for helping you get better at giving each other feedback and instructions since you're not going to get anything from your partner unless you specifically ask for it," says Marin.
4. Make a sex fort
How to play: If you liked making pillow forts as a kid, you're going to love this. Sex therapist suggests ditching the bed and creating a sex fort. Include your favorite blankets and pillows, and don't forget your favorite sex toys and lube.
The benefits: Chavez says one of the most common complaints of couples is sexual boredom. If you're always having sex in the same place (i.e. your bed) things can get pretty routine. Making a sex fort is a fun way to switch things up and get creative, bringing the element of play into the bedroom.
5. Have an erotic treasure hunt
How to play: Turn the whole house into your sexual playground with this game. Chavez says you should identify different rooms in the house for different body parts. Then, find an item in each room that can be a sexual accessory for pleasure. Get creative with what you end up using, but some ideas from Chavez are ties, belts, and brushes.
The benefits: This is a way to enjoy sensory play in ways you might not have before, since you'll be using things that aren't typically used for sex. Again, you'll be switching up the location of sexual activity and the act itself, adding some novelty to your night.
Insider's takeaway
Don't freak out if you're in a sexual rut. It isn't permanent. As long as you put the effort in, you can get out of the funk and amp up the excitement in your sex life again. One fun way to do this is with sex games, so experiment with them and see which ones you like best. If you and your partner are still struggling, it can help to seek the support of a sex therapist.